Happy Birthday, my precious Gavin! I can’t believe you turned two today. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday that I held you for the first time.
Celebrating your birthday floods my heart with the memories leading up to the day you became mine.
The first time I saw you was but a glimpse from a distance. Medical staff rushed you past the waiting room into the NICU from complications during delivery.
But I didn’t really know if it was you. Not yet.
The first time I touched you was over an hour after your birth. Up until that time, daddy and I paced in the waiting room wondering, hoping we could see you before we had to go home. Finally, your birth dad invited us into the NICU with him. You were lying in an incubator with oxygen to help you breath. I couldn’t hold you. Not yet.
I reached to hold your little hand. My heart swelled as your tiny hand wrapped around my finger and squeezed. My heart longed for you to be mine. But you weren’t mine. Not yet.
You were one day old when I held you for the first time.
I smelled your sweet skin, kissed your chubby cheek and prayed over you, whispering in your ear Psalm 139…
“I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”
But you weren’t mine. Not yet.
The next two days were tense with waiting. Daddy and I were asked to not visit the hospital until your birth parents signed their releases. Your birth family wanted to spend time with just you. At home we wondered, “Would you be ours? Would they change their mind?”
Your birth parents wanted to know that we were excited about you, but that was a little hard to do when they didn’t want to see us with you. And how can we be so excited when they are sacrificially giving us someone so precious?
So I wrote a letter to your birth mom sharing my heart, and daddy wrote to your birth dad sharing his. And we waited. We waited and prayed for you.
Seventy-two hours after you were born, daddy and I waited for the call from our caseworker saying, “He’s yours!” In faith, we drove to the hospital to wait in the parking lot. As we were driving we received the call.
My heart was overjoyed and flooded with relief. And at the same time my heart broke for the two people that loved you so much, they chose to give you to us so that you could have a better life.
For the next two days, we spent our time holding you while you were still in the NICU. You no longer needed to be on oxygen support, and it was so nice to hold you without all the cords getting in the way. We couldn’t wait to finally bring you home!
As I sit here two years later, I can’t remember what our life was like without you. When God began to knit you together in your birth mothers womb, He had a plan for YOU. He hand picked you to be part of our family. And I think God couldn’t have done a better job. You were truly meant to be ours!
Do you want to know how I know God hand picked you to be part of our family?
It was June 2011. Daddy and I were at a family camp just for our church. On the last night, Papa asked people to share a prayer request. Daddy asked that God would give us a baby. We sat in front of that chapel that night, crying and praying for you!
Little did we know, that a few short weeks later you would be conceived. We didn’t know about you until the beginning of March the next year. But we didn’t stop praying for you, because we knew God had someone special in mind just for us.
“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him” (1 Samuel 1:27, ESV)
I am so thankful that God chose me to be there for your first smile, first giggles, first crawl, first steps, first words, all the “firsts” in between and those yet to come.
Oh, my little Gavin, I love the laughter and energy you bring to our home. I love the way you greet people wherever we go, bringing smiles to faces of strangers as you say “hi” and “have a good day” as we pass them.
I love hearing you try to play the piano or guitar. I smile every time you sing “Jesus Loves Me“, and say a prayer that you will fully understand those words one day.
I love having you as my little companion each and every day. I enjoy our little adventures and love our daily reading times. I treasure the sweet kisses and unsolicited hugs I get from you, especially because I know one day you will think you are too cool to give me any.
I want you to know that you were prayed for, wanted and loved long before God began knitting you together, before I even knew about you, before I felt your heart beat, before I felt your hand in mine. And I love you more and more each day.
Mommy loves you sooooo much! As the story we read says,
“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always.
As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”
8 Responses to A Birthday Letter to My Son